"I've got a bun in the oven," declared Bichette, "and I don't care who knows it."

Team officials expressed shock at the announcement. "At first, we thought he was just fat," said Reds GM Jim Bowden, "but our doctors have performed a sonogram, and he is definitely 'in a family way', so to speak."

Added Bowden, "This explains Dante's mysterious cravings for pickles and ice cream."

Bichette, in second trimester

"I think it's great," said third baseman Aaron Boone. "I love kids. All kids. Whenever I can."

"The news doesn't surprise me," said catcher Ed Taubensee. "I've noticed Dante's breasts getting bigger over the past couple of weeks, and he's had that certain glow about him recently. Maybe now he'll settle down and stop shacking up with sailors and truck drivers."

Bichette said he had noticed signs of pregnancy for several weeks. "At first, I thought the swelling was due to some sort of intestinal obstruction, like a burger I forgot to chew. But now I know for sure, and I couldn't be prouder."

Bichette stated that he will name the child "Super Dante II" if it is a boy and "Mudface" if it is a girl. "But it's going to be a boy," said Bichette. "A mother just knows these things."

This will be Bichette's second child.