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Bonds' 73rd Home Run Ball to be
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| Custody of the ball, which could bring more than $1 million at
auction, has been in dispute since Bonds hit the home run last October
7th. Alexander Popov, who initially caught the ball only to lose
it in the ensuing melee, and Patrick Hayashi, who ended up with the
ball, each hoped the judge would rule in their favor.
However, San Francisco Superior Court Judge James McBride ruled that neither had presented sufficient evidence to establish legal custody. |
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"That's ridiculous," said Popov while sucking on a pacifier. "I have videotape showing that I caught the ball. It was clearly resting in my glove for a full second before I panicked like a cat in a bathtub, lost control of my bowels, and dropped it."
"How can the judge say I didn't have custody of the ball?" shrieked Hayashi while eating a jar of Gerber strained peas. "I punched six women and three kids to get it. I still have the knuckle-scars to prove it."
But the deciding factor behind the decision, according to McBride, was that neither man had shown sufficient care for the ball's well-being.
"This ball has been subjected to horrible psychological duress," stated McBride. "It has been jostled from one traumatic situation to another, and now it has been thrown into the middle of a horrible battle between those who purport to care for it.
“Granting custody to either person would not be in the ball's best interests,” continued McBride. “Therefore, it is the opinion of this court that every effort should be made to track down the ball’s biological parents.”
McBride has appointed a blue-ribbon panel to conduct DNA testing on the ball. However, a potential parent has already surfaced.
"I don't know what that there fancy-pants DNA test is going to show," said Missouri cattle farmer Cletus McPhee, "but me and that ball's momma was...close. If ole Bossy was here right now, she'd want me to have it."
The ball, which has been in the care of a court-appointed foster family, was unavailable for comment.
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