Mays was standing beside the podium during the post-game ceremony when Bonds broke down.  "He was talking about how great he felt, and what a wonderful thing he had accomplished, when all of a sudden, his voice started to crack, and his lower lip started to quiver," said Mays.  "I thought, 'Aw, crap, here come the water works,' and I tried to take the mike from him, but it was too late.  By the time I got up there, he was wailing like a Jewish mother."

Bonds's teammates were shocked.  "I expected him to come up with some line about how the record was meaningless because we lost the game," said Jeff Kent.  "I didn't expect him to go all weepy like Richard Simmons in those old 'Deal-a-Meal' commercials.  I mean, my 7 year-old daughter cried less when we rented 'Old Yeller' last week."

Cardinals slugger/Thing lookalike Mark McGwire, whose record Bonds broke, was also confused by Bonds' reaction.  "Mark McGwire no cry when Mark McGwire break record," said McGwire while eating a small horse.  "Mark McGwire real man.  Barry Bonds girly-crying-sissy man."

Bonds was busy blowing his nose into a frilly silk handkerchief and was unavailable for further comment.