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Disappointed The Atlanta Braves post-season plans were spoiled this week when they lost the NL Division Playoff series to the St. Louis Cardinals. The Cardinals completed a 3-game sweep of the Braves with an 7-1 victory on Saturday. Following the game, Braves manager Bobby Cox expressed disappointment with the team's performance. "We fell short of our goal," said a teary-eyed Cox. "We fully expected to make it all the way to the World Series before losing so miserably." Braves owner Ted Turner, who promised last January to "dominate the league throughout the entire season, sweep our way to the NL Championship, and bend over like a prison bitch in the World Series," shared Cox's frustration. "Over the past decade, the Braves have established a tradition," said a blubbering Turner. "We sweep through the playoffs, then choke horribly in the World Series. I guess this year's team just wasn't up to those standards." Turner then picked up a flame thrower and proceeded to roast the entire Braves coaching staff.
Jones committed two errors in the series, but other Braves also contributed heavily to the series loss. Pitcher Tom Glavine allowed 7 runs in 2 1/3 innings, first baseman Andres Galarraga batted .200 with only one RBI, and right fielder Reggie Sanders was hitless in 9 at-bats. "That's why they traded for me," said Sanders. "I'm just glad I was able to do the job." Sanders then threw his belongings into a napsack and hopped the midnight train to Nashville. But despite the humiliating loss, Turner vowed that the Braves would be ready for next season. "When October 2001 rolls around, the Braves will once again be in the World Series, once again on our knees servicing the Yankees like a crack whore. That, my friends, is a promise." Braves shortstop Rafael Furcal was busy purchasing a sequined tube-top and was unavailable for comment. |
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