Florida Penal System to Field
Kick-Ass Softball Team
The recent incarceration of former MLB slugger Jose Canseco
has proven to be a boon for the Florida penal system, vaulting
the state's all-inmate softball team to the top of the nation's
Prison League pre-season rankings. Canseco joins a team
that already features former MLB slugger/cokehead Darryl
Strawberry, making the Florida Penal System O-Jays the favorite
to win the national tournament this summer in Leavenworth,
Kansas.
"Anytime you can put Canseco and Strawberry in the same
lineup, you've got the makings of a kick-ass team," said
O-Jays manager/warden Earnest DuPree. "We're going to win
a lot of games, which should improve team chemistry and
cut down on the number of dugout stabbings we seem to experience
each year."
| The O-Jays led the league in runs scored
last season, thanks mostly to 86 homer, 263 RBI season
from Strawberry. However, the team also led the league
in gang rape and racially-motivated incinerations, leading
to |
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Canseco (right) takes fielding practice with his new
teammates.
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clubhouse tension and a disappointing third-place finish.
DuPree feels that Canseco will be a steadying influence
on Strawberry. "Last season, everyone expected so much from
Darryl, and he was under a lot of pressure. There were several
occasions when he got upset and tried to snort the baseline.
Hopefully, Jose will be able to keep him on the straight
and narrow, and possibly even score him some steroids."
"Having Jose here is such a blessing," said Strawberry.
"Maybe now The Dragon will sell me to Little Julio and make
Jose his bitch."
Canseco had been trying to catch on with a major league
team for almost a year, leading the slugger to claim he
was blackballed by MLB owners and players alike. However,
Canseco's new teammates greeted the slugger warmly when
he arrived at mini-camp, held in the Miami-Dade County Jail
courtyard.
"Everyone was very friendly," said Canseco while constructing
a toothbrush shiv. "They all kept asking me about baseball
-- they wanted to know if I had a big stick and if I still
had some pop in my bat. And they weren't afraid to poke
some fun at some of my career lowlights -- one guy even
asked if he could bounce a couple of balls off my head."
"It's great to get a player of Jose's caliber," said first
baseman/serial rapist James "The Hammer" Brevins. "Of course,
there will be a period of adjustment as we teach him what
it really means to be 'blackballed', but beyond that, things
should go smoothly."
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