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Rocker Calls In Sick Ace Reliever Has Note From Mom Atlanta Braves reliever/Nobel Prize winner John Rocker announced at a press conference on Monday that he will be unable to pitch in next weekend's series against the New York Mets due to illness. Rocker told reporters that he is "pretty sick", and he produced a note from his mother as proof. The series against the Mets would have marked Rocker's first trip back to New York following the derogatory comments he made about the city and its citizens in Sports Illustrated. However, Rocker insisted that his illness was merely a coincidence. "I'm pretty sick," said Rocker. "My temperature is almost 100, my throat is sore, I have stomach cramps, my cheeks are puffy, and my palms are clammy. I think it's the mumps. "Still, if it were up to me, I'd play through it, but my mom thinks I'd better stay home."
Braves officials seemed willing to accept Mrs. Rocker's request to excuse her son. "Hell, we were gonna send him down to the minors again anyway," said Braves manager Bobby Cox. "This way, we save ourselves the cost of his bus ticket." Mets fans, however, were disappointed. "I bought a case of Energizers just for that game, and now he won't even be there," said fan Larry Del Torrio. "Oh well, I guess I'll just have to throw 'em at Chipper Jones instead." Chipper Jones was busy being fitted for full body armor and was unavailable for comment.
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