"We felt it was important for us to corner the Rodriguez market," said team owner/former trailer park resident Tom Hicks.  "If you count our groundskeepers, the Texas Rangers now have 157 employees named Rodriguez."

Hicks also announced that all players on the team not named Rodriguez must immediately change their names to Rodriguez or be traded to the Expos.  Said Hicks, "Hell, half the state is named Rodriguez.  Maybe this will help the team bond with the fans."

Hicks went on to announce that, following Alex Rodriguez's example, all players nicknames will consist of the first letter of their first name followed by the word "Rod".  Players with the same first letter will receive a number (see table below):

"Fans seem to love the whole "Rod" nickname thing," said Hicks.  "I don't quite understand it, but as long as it sells tickets, we're gonna do it."

Alex Rodriguez was busy copyrighting the letter "A" and the word "Rod" and was unavailable for comment.