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Sox, Jays Rework Sirotka Deal

Sox to Include Brooklyn Bridge

 

Despite MLB Commissioner Bud Selig's recent ruling to uphold the disputed trade, the White Sox have offered to rework the deal that sent injured pitcher Mike Sirotka to the Blue Jays in exchange for David Wells.  

As compensation for the injured Sirotka, the White Sox have restructured the deal to include the world-famous Brooklyn Bridge.


Sirotka

"We are extremely glad that the White Sox have agreed to further compensate us," said Blue Jays CEO Paul Godfrey. "The White Sox have now proven themselves to be up-front, trustworthy negotiators who are interested in making a fair deal."

Added Godfrey, "I wonder how you say 'Brooklyn Bridge' in French?"

Toronto GM Gord Ash shared Godfrey's enthusiasm.  "This was a fantastic deal!  That bridge is the secret to success.  The White Sox told us they bought it from the Yankees before last season, and they finished with the top record in the majors. We've got it made!"


Brooklyn Bridge

In Chicago, the mood was equally jovial.  "We wanted to make a goodwill gesture to our friends up north," said White Sox GM Ken Williams between barely-concealed giggles.  "We didn't want any bad blood between our organization and theirs.  Hopefully, our inclusion of the (snicker) Brooklyn Bridge will help (snicker snicker) smooth things out."

Owner Jerry Reinsdorf explained his motivation for including the Brooklyn Bridge.  "We all felt really bad when we found out after the trade Mike Sirotka was hurt.  Which we only found out after the trade.  Not before.  Even though commissioner Selig upheld the deal as fair, I didn't want to upset the suckers...err...fellows in Toronto, so I decided I would have to part with my beloved Brooklyn Bridge.  It was a hard decision, but it was the right thing to do.  And I threw in three genuine Rolex watches at no extra charge."

The timetable for delivery of the Brooklyn Bridge to the city of Toronto was unclear.  "Well, it took a couple of weeks for my lawyer to send me the deed," explained Reinsdorf.  "Then the contracts got lost in the mail and ended up in Sri Lanka.  My cousin flew over there to pick them up, but he caught the jungle flu and is still in the hospital.  But as soon as he gets back, I'll Fed-Ex the documents up to Gord, and then he can send a truck down to pick up the bridge."  Reinsdorf then collapsed to the ground and quivered with uncontrollable laughter for several minutes before adding, "No, it's true!  Really, I mean it!"

Mike Sirotka was busy trying to grow a new shoulder and was unavailable for comment.

Story by Jeremy Wilhm

*Statement is false.

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