Owners Propose New "Thunderdome" Playoff System
In response to the MLB Players Union's recent proposal
to expand the current playoff system to include more wildcard
teams and give byes to teams with the best records, team
owners have countered with their own "Thunderdome"
plan.
| Instead of the traditional best-of-seven
series, the proposed "two teams enter, one team leaves"
format would pit the entire rosters of both teams in
an all-out battle royale. Players would be suspended
from bungee cords and forced to duel with spears, polearms,
war hammers, and a variety of other low-tech melee weapons.
The last |
|
MLB Commissioner Bud Selig (left) and assistant Sandy
Alderson (right) support the owners' proposal |
team with surviving players would be declared
the winner and advance to the next round.
The plan has the support of MLB commissioner/methane engineer
Bud Selig. However, the Players Union has voiced some resistance
to the proposal.
"While the owners' plan does make early-round byes
extremely important, we feel the proposal is simply an excuse
for the owners to request more public funding to build new
stadiums," said Players Union chief Don Fehr. "And
Bud Selig continues to favor the owners' interests over
those of the players and the fans. Why, he's nothing but
a Raggedy Man!"
"Yumpin' Yoisus, him sad. Brain broken," responded Selig
moments before instituting an embargo. "Who run MLB? Say
louder!"
Despite the players' objections, MLB owners insist the
proposal will vastly improve the game.
"This is a win-win situation for us," said Reds owner Carl
Lindner. "Not only does it raise revenue, but the wholesale
slaughter of the game's best players during the playoffs
pretty much guarantees that small-market teams will eventually
get a shot at the championship. Plus it will help us get
out from under some of those pesky long-term contracts and
deferred salaries."
When asked if the violent nature of Thunderdome would create
problems in the stands, Astros owner Drayton McLane replied,
"Most games in Chicago are already this violent, so what
have we got to lose?"
Chicago fans were busy conducting raids on oil refineries
in the Australian outback and were unavailable for comment.
|
